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Understanding reactions to bladder and bowel control problems
If poor bladder and bowel control is not managed and treated, a person may have feelings of rejection, social isolation, dependency, loss of control and may have problems with how they feel about their body image. People can have different feelings.
Research tells us that less than half the people with bladder and bowel problems seek help. The person you are caring for may try to hide it or deny it and may not want to talk about it.
People may act in many ways when they have bladder and bowel control problems. You may find how they act hard to understand and accept. This can make it harder for you to help the person get the best results.
As a carer, you need to be aware of your own changing feelings. These may be because of the problems you are facing. Although this information is written about the person you are caring for, some of it may also apply to carers.
Denial
Sometimes the person denies there is a problem, even when there is no doubt about it. It is just too embarrassing.
When the problem is only small and can be managed by themselves, people may tell themselves that the bladder and bowel problem does not happen often and hope it will go away. People often think that no one will know, even those nearest and dearest to them.
Some people admit there is a problem, but will not seek help. The person may be feeling helpless and hopeless. They often think things like:
- I am too old to do anything about it now
- Nothing can be done about this
- My mother had this problem and so I will have it too
Even when people do seek help, they may not say how big the problem is. It is only as they become comfortable with their doctor or continence nurse advisor that they will say how big the problem really is.
Anxiety
During treatment there are times that cause anxiety for the person with bladder and bowel problems, such as telling the doctor or being referred to a specialist for tests. It is normal to feel this way, so giving support to the person you care for is very important.
Frustration
A person with bladder and bowel problems may show their frustration when things do not go the way they expect. This could be because the:
- bladder and bowel problems are taking longer to get better or improve than expected
- side effects of tablets are unpleasant
- person is disappointed about not getting better quickly from a management program
- person is not able to cope with an everyday task
- person is doing really well and then for some reason goes backwards
Anger
It is common for people to be angry when they cannot control their bladder or bowel. This anger can be aimed at the carer. There needs to be a way for the person to let out their anger or they could become stressed or unwell.
Lack of sleep due to waking up to go to the toilet at night can make the person with bladder and bowel problems and their carer very, very tired. So tempers may flare.
Sometimes people with bladder and bowel problems are treated like children. The person is 'told off' in front of friends or family for having an 'accident'. If feelings get to be too much, the carer may also get angry and shout at the person, telling them not to be so 'lazy'. This may cause the person with bladder and bowel problems to become angry or withdrawn, so making it more stressful than it already is.
Understanding
Being aware of and understanding what is going on will help build a relationship where the person you are caring for can say what they feel. Explain that other people have bladder and bowel problems and that they can get treatment.
Be patient and understanding. Bladder and bowel problems are not a sign of being lazy, but a warning sign of other health problems. Understanding these problems and knowing what to do about them can help.
You can seek help by contacting your local doctor or by calling the National Continence Helpline on 1800 33 00 66.
Page last updated 20 Nov 2006